Stuart Larkin
Stuart Douglas Larkin is a character in MADtv. He is a simple-minded, cock-eyed, borderline albino young boy with a constantly dazed and vacant expression. Stuart likes to show off, but would reluctantly do what his mother Doreen tells him. He is known for eating an excessive amount of junk food. Doreen, while genuinely loving her son dearly, tends to nag, scold, and scream at Stuart for getting into trouble. One of her tagphrases is "What does Mama say?". For example, he is often seen eating different junk foods and when Doreen asks Stuart where he got them, Stuart simply says he found them on the floor and quickly shoves them in his mouth. Though Stuart appears anti-social and naive about the world (which he claims to be angry about), it is mentioned in some sketches (such as "Stuart Takes Piano Lessons") that he is a genius. This was further shown when Stuart had shown exceptional piano talent on only his second lesson. Stuart usually wears a colorful shirt and blue jeans. In "Stuart At The Pet Shop," it is revealed that Doreen is terrified of rodents and when Stuart heard her, he immediately put the rat on her head, which made Doreen freak out and scream for it to be taken off. Stuart's childhood traumas (such as his father leaving the family) are often mentioned. Once, when Doreen asked Stuart where he heard some nonsense, while praying, Stuart replied, "From daddy on the phone.", and Doreen, quavering, replies, "Your father called? Did he mention me?", then Stuart replies, "Um... Daddy says you could nag the paint off the wall." Stuart also loves his father; however, no matter when the sketch takes place, Stuart's father has always left the previous Tuesday after meeting an Asian woman over the Internet. Also, Doreen keeps trying to find Stuart a new father so they will not go to the "grueling hell that is their everyday life". Stuart's catch phrases are "Look what I can do!" (and his subsequent break into an awkward, spasm-like flourish, once referred to as a "Dipsy-Doodle"), "Let me do it!" (when an adult tries to assist him with something), "Dooooooon't!" (when someone gets too close and tries to touch him), "I don't wanna say!" (usually spoken when Doreen asks him about something), "I found it on the floor!" (spoken when Doreen asks him where he got a food item), "I'm in my dark place!" (spoken when people yell at him), and "Stay away from my danger zone!" (spoken when he talks to strangers). However, he loves his grandmother so much that he lets her touch him. When Doreen asks Stuart where he got a food item, he usually replies, "I don't wanna say!". Here are the "What does Mama say?" repliements: * "Show business people are dirty and they don't believe in God." (From: "Stuart Opens The Show") * "Devil Dogs look like cream-filled poop." (From: "Stuart Goes To The Airport") * "Kitty cats lick their own poop chute." (From: "Stuart Goes To The Doctor") * "The soul of a liar is black like poop." (From: "Stuart Gets His Picture Taken") * "Tell a lie and your life will be a living Hell with a domineering mother and an absent father." (From: "Stuart Takes Piano Lessons") * "Men are liars!" (From: "Stuart Takes Piano Lessons") * "Taquitos go in one end and they explode out the other." (From: "Stuart Plays Teeball") * "A greedy boy will never be cradled in the arms of Jesus." (From: "Stuart And The Wishing Well") * "Never put your mouth near an animal or Mama has to check your poop for worms." (From: "Stuart At The Zoo") * "Little boys who don't apologize get their stocking filled with elf poop." (From: "Christmas Shopping") * "...That he's an alcoholic?" (From: "Stuart At Grandma's") * "Fast food gives you a fast death." (From: "Stuart Gets Kidnapped: Part 1") * "Little boys who lie should expect tragedy to visit them on a regular basis." (From: "Stuart And The Tooth Fairy") * "Don't slide down the banister or you'll injure your goo-goo and that’s all some men have going for them." (From: "Stuart And The Babysitter") * "Little boys who eavesdrop deserve to hear the truth and the truth is usually devastating." (From: "Stuart Gets A Rival") * "Little boys who don't take responsibility... get hairy palms." (From: "Stuart Goes To School") * "Little boys who aren't polite give the pro-choice movement a reason to exist." (From: "Stuart On His Birthday") * "Greedy boys get killed in their sleep." (From: "Bright Shiny Lucky Day") * "When little boys whine, it's like saying to the kidnappers, 'Take me first!'." (From: "Stuart Goes To His Dad's") * "Don't do it people around to black people, 'cause they get mad!" (From: "Stuart Goes Shoe Shopping") * "Little boys who play on monkey bars get calisses right here. And when you get calisses right here, people think you're a low-class or a dirty Italian." (From: "Bright Shiny Lucky Day") * "Little boys who are racist learn to be racist from their mother." (From: "Stuart Goes To A Chinese Restaurant") * "Smoking is for Europeans and white trash." (From: "Stuart Gets Kidnapped: Part 2") * "Little boys who talk dirty grow up to be Democrats." (From: "Stuart Goes To His Dad's") * "Farting is what we get from serving Mexican food in our public schools." (From: "Stuart Moves Out") * "People who whisper are either sneaky or homosexual." (From: "Stuart at Poker Night") Stuart tends to kick anyone who he doesn't want near him with his legs: He lays down on the floor and uses his legs to keep them away from him, sometimes using a violent kick (for example, when he kicked the Tooth Fairy, making her fall into a beanbag chair in Stuart's bedroom. Another example is when he kicked Dr. Wizwoql, throwing her out of the window when Stuart realized that she had given him a booster shot). Stuart occasionally refers to his genital area as his "danger zone", or refers to them, specifically as his "goo-goo". When pushed too far, Stuart's voice changes into an evil voice (which is used when Stuart enters his "dark place", a glimpse into his inner turmoil). Several sketches showed Stuart annoying his next door neighbor Harvey Muckenthaler, who cannot stand him. Since Mo Collins left the series, Stuart had appeared in only one sketch per season. Stuart appeared 38 times during the run of MADtv. He was in seasons 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. There was also a sketch used in the series finale that Mo pre-taped the voice of Doreen and they did a montage of Stuart. Doreen appeared 31 times during the run of MADtv. She was in seasons 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. Mo Collins returned for the series finale and recorded the voice of Doreen during a montage of Stuart. He is portrayed by Michael McDonald. Trivia * Stuart's original name was Scott. Category:Characters Category:Protagonists Category:Male Characters